I decided that this would be a good time to give an update on my marriage. If you are new to this site, I have started giving periodic updates. The first update was here if you missed it. I started this because it is an open and honest way to share how my husband and I are currently doing with rebuilding our marriage. I had started this site so that I could share my story of discovering my husband’s pornography use. But, I came to realize that it’s important to share where we are currently and how we are struggling or growing.
My husband has been overcoming a lust and pornography addiction in the past three and a half years. He had this addiction for most of his life. There are times and situations that he is greatly tempted. Currently, he faces one of the worst situations at his second job. There are just so many temptations there. I would like to explain them all and also discuss how we work together to help this unavoidable circumstance.
If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1.
Ephesians 6:10-18 (NKJV)
The Armor of God
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints
Husbands and wives must start each day seeking God. Each day brings about its own struggles. We do not know what evil things will be thrown at us. We do not know what difficulties will arise in our life. We each have things that we struggle with internally. Without God guiding us through our entire day, we can have a difficult time getting through any of our trials.
I haven’t posted about My Personal Story in awhile so if you’ve just started reading it, the first part starts with Discovery. I realized that I didn’t post about this for so long because it is the hardest thing that I write about on here. However, it’s very important to me that I share my own story. It is the main reason that I started this site. I wanted to share with other women who are deeply hurting how my marriage got from brokenness to restored. I also encourage everyone to share their stories as well. I believe this helps us to heal. First, it’s helpful to read how others have struggled or what they have learned. It’s also healing for us to be able to verbalize what we faced. As we do this, we can release it a little more. Then, we can pray for each other. There are just so many benefits from sharing our story with each other. So, I am encouraging you today, if you would like to share your story, please do! You can do that on this page, on the Personal Stories page, or as a guest post.
I had made up my mind that I was going to talk with my husband about how much I was still suffering. We hadn’t actually talked about his addiction to pornography for a year! I don’t know about anyone else, but for me that was torture. I had so many questions and wanted to share so much with my husband, but how could I if this was completely off limits in our marriage? And how could I bridge that gap? I couldn’t bridge that gap, but God could.
Dear Holy God,
We thank You for today. We thank You that You give us hope. We cannot hope in ourselves or in our husbands. That type of hope is useless. Only You, God, can bring about change. Only You can change someone’s heart. Only You can heal someone’s hurt. You have the power to work miracles in our lives. You can take our desperate situation and turn it completely around. We’re trusting You to work in our life. That is the reason we hope in You today God! Thank You for hope!
In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Thank you for caring about my marriage. Thank you for working on me and my husband. You want to make each of us a new creation. God, we can’t do it without You. So I pray today, that You would come into our hearts and lives and move us closer to You. When we move closer to You, we can grow closer in our marriage. Thank You God that You want to make us whole. I love You, God!
In Jesus’ Name, Amen
A wife e-mailed me the following question. I thought I would post it because I believe many women who come here may be feeling the same thing. My answer follows. I welcome anyone to share their thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your story. May I ask a question, if you don’t mind? What causes you to fight for your marriage? My husband has been having a problem with porn on and off all of the 10 years of our marriage. I catch him, he stops for about a year and goes back to it. At this point I no longer want my marriage. I’m tired of his lies and selfishness. He disgusts me. Just the thought of his lustful desire to look at these images causes me to have no desire for him. I have no respect for him and truly feel as if he is the worst person on earth for continuously hurting me like this. I feel only an evil, and cold hearted person does that. I don’t have a single positive feeling toward him at all at this point.
Often when I am feeling deeply troubled over the past, I have a difficult time thinking clearly. My anger and fear become incredibly overwhelming. Typically, it is hard to follow God during those emotional times.
I come to You tonight to ask for Your love and hope for every wife. I pray that Your blessings will be given unto every marriage. May you encourage each wife to keep fighting for her marriage.
I know that many of you who are here are hurting today. You may be hurting from past disappointments or you may be hurting because of current sadness. May you ask God today for courage?