Below is a question about overcoming painful memories:
I was reading your blog. One sentence said, ” For wives this might mean to stop thinking about the past.” That is the hardest task in my recovery, I just can’t escape the triggered thoughts from bringing me or my feelings down. I have been married for 34 years and I truly loved and respected my husband during what I thought was a good marriage. Nine months after discovery I seem to be recovering fairly well from my husbands secret life of porn, dating sites and philandering because he is cooperating and doing what is right to restore the relationship, but there is one thing that I trip on. Thoughts. The problem: I can be driving or at work and have a sudden thought of what happened or how I visualize it occurred. It hurts. Driving seems to be the most frequent times it occurs. I have desperately searched for a way to recover from this bolt of pain and fear I get during those moments. I have tried ignoring the thoughts, I have tried saying to myself, ” Here is a thought, it is what happened or what I feared occurred during his wandering, it was wrong – it was a foolish act, but now it is time for that thought to leave. Recognizing the thought seems to allow the fear to be displaced better than ignoring it. But the thoughts do return time to time. This — may be the one thing that harms the betrayed one, the inability to get past triggered thoughts. I have search for the one true remedy — how to get through moments – moments when these triggered thoughts burst forth. Hiding from them doesn’t seem to lessen the thoughts from returning. The scary inner thoughts are corrosive to the foundation of marriage. What is an effective way to work through the moment, so the thoughts don’t spread or fester – leading into hours or days of darkness.
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage is written by Sheila Wray Gregoire. It is an excellent book for any marriage. It contains new thoughts that can revolutionize the way many women think about their marriages. Sheila is the founder of the blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. Many times her posts have helped me in my marriage. Her perspective and wisdom on so many marriage topics is a true gift from God. I recommend all of her books.
Today, I would like to explain how one of the thoughts in her book changed my entire marriage. The thought is:
“I’m called to be a peacemaker, not a peacekeeper.”
Sheila explains how many women think that they are supposed to keep the peace in the marriage by agreeing with their husbands on the outside, but hurting deeply on the inside. In a way they think they have to let their husbands have their way with everything just to keep him happy and have a peaceful home. But, this isn’t real peace and in the end it is destruction.
This way of thinking led to many problems in my own marriage.
If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1.
Ephesians 6:10-18 (NKJV)
The Armor of God
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints
Husbands and wives must start each day seeking God. Each day brings about its own struggles. We do not know what evil things will be thrown at us. We do not know what difficulties will arise in our life. We each have things that we struggle with internally. Without God guiding us through our entire day, we can have a difficult time getting through any of our trials.
More books have been added to the Books to Grow Your Marriage page.
More songs have been added to the Encouraging Music page.
Additionally, I have added a new page called Inspiring Blogs.
Please share any books or music that have helped you and I will add them to those pages. Thank you and I pray that these resources can help bring you closer to God.
52 Things Husbands Need from their Wives and 52 Things Wives Need from their Husbands by Jay Payleitner are two very helpful books.
After I found out that my husband was viewing pornography, I realized my marriage was not what I thought it was. After I got past the initial shock and sadness, I wanted to actively work on my marriage. One way that I work on my marriage is by reading with my husband. We do this by first and foremost reading the Bible. The Bible should be our number one reading material always. We read the Bible together and separately. There are also many books that can help us grow together as a couple and individually. So, I started my search for great books that will help us both grow closer to God and closer to each other. I would like to start sharing in detail the books that I love and that have helped both my husband and myself.
Check out the new page Encouraging Music. There you’ll find songs that have helped me when I was hurting the most. I’ll be adding more songs frequently. Please tell about songs that have helped you in the comment section below. I pray these songs can help you draw close to God.
Thank you for caring about my marriage. Thank you for working on me and my husband. You want to make each of us a new creation. God, we can’t do it without You. So I pray today, that You would come into our hearts and lives and move us closer to You. When we move closer to You, we can grow closer in our marriage. Thank You God that You want to make us whole. I love You, God!
In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Happy Mother’s Day!
I pray every mother will know how special, beautiful, and wonderful she is today. God’s blessings to you all!
Hello and Welcome,
I want to tell every hurting wife that comes to this site that I am praying for you. I pray daily that God would heal each heart and restore each marriage. If you have a specific prayer request and you would like to share it, please post it in the comment section. If your prayer is personal, feel free to send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Psalm 145:18 states, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”
The worship song 10,000 Reasons fills me with great hope today. It says the sun comes up and it’s a new day dawning. As I listen to those lyrics, I’m reminded of God’s promises for us.