One reason I started Hopeful Wife Today was to share my story. I believe that when we share our stories to other hurting wives two things happen. One, we are releasing the hurt that is inside of us. Two, we are helping others to not feel so alone. I believe God wants us to open up our hearts in order to unite with others who are going through similar things. If you would like to read other stories from women who have bravely opened up their hearts check out the page Personal Stories. If you feel God leading you to share your story, please do so on that page.
If you have missed parts of my story and would like to start at the beginning, please see Discovery. This is an ongoing topic where I will be sharing important parts of my marriage starting three and a half years ago. That was when I first found out my husband was addicted to pornography. I’ll be sharing our story until I get to where we currently are. After that, I’ll be writing updates on how our marriage is presently.
Thank you to all who are following. I pray that you may find some hope in my story.
Sharing My Story: I Didn’t Believe My Husband
A thought entered my mind that I could not get rid of. He’s not telling me everything. I never questioned before that he wasn’t telling me the truth. But, now, it just wouldn’t go away! No matter how I tried to get away from it, I could only hear one loud message. My husband was hiding things from me.
I recently received this question from a wife:
There was recently an episode last week in which my husband lied to me. We have accountability talks each week where we discuss struggles, temptations, etc.
During this time he reported that he had been tempted to look at a provocative picture online but didn’t because he loves me and knows that it is not worth it. I had a feeling to check his internet history and found that he had actually looked at the image. I am struggling with how to resolve the issue of lying and how we can work together to be more open, honest and also what we can do to set boundaries. He admitted he lied but says it is because he wanted to avoid my reaction. I was hoping you could give some godly advice.
I have had so many various emotions after discovering my husband was addicted to pornography three years ago.
- I had times of sadness and depression that would last for days. I was often confused and hopeless.
- Then there were times when I was thankful and happy that God led me to this discovery. I was joyful and blessed that my marriage was being restored.
- I was excited, at times, that my husband was becoming a new man.
But, the emotion that I feared the most—because it had total control of me, was anger.
Continue reading this on Covenant Eyes
I had a really nice childhood. I have to say that I truly love my dad. My dad never introduced lust into our home. I never really knew how much of a struggle lust is for men. My father treated me with respect my whole life and he still does. He’s been faithful to my mom his whole life. He never had pornography of any kind in our house. We didn’t have the internet or any adult channels on TV. I always assumed that men had complete control over this sin. I thought they easily chose whether to partake in it or not. Additionally, I never thought it was something that nice, Godly men would consume in secret. I guess I was pretty naive.
If you are here for the first time, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1. If you’ve been following this site, please take a moment to see the new page Feedback from Readers.
1 Peter 4:8 says
And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”
It’s very important to discuss protecting our marriages. One mistake that I made is I never thought I would have to protect my marriage. I thought our marriage was so wonderful and it would always be happy. I never stopped to think that outside forces could destroy what was sacred inside. I’m sure many of you could say the very same thing. And I think most married people will admit that they could have prevented certain things. We don’t have to dwell on that because we can’t change anything from the past. However, we can change the future. And that is why we must take the time to protect our marriage.
This is a verse and a prayer for peace for a wife who is suffering from her husband’s pornography use.
John 14:27 says
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (NKJV)
I come to You for peace. I know Your promise says that You will give me Your peace. You will not give to me as the world does. I am believing in You for that dear God. The world has left me alone and doubting Your presence. I do not have any peace at all. My heart is unsettled. My emotions are overbearing. Peace right now seems impossible.
This is a post and prayer written by my husband:
As our weekend starts and we venture through the world going to work (if maybe we have a second job or work on the weekends), getting a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop, picking up supplies for a weekend project from the local hardware or auto-parts store, etc., Satan will try and get us. He wants us to look longer at what we shouldn’t be looking at, give a second glance to someone we shouldn’t, and take a step away from God. He wants us to build upon what we shouldn’t be thinking about in our mind and use those thoughts throughout the day. He wants us to talk too much, joke too much, and say things to other women other than our wife that our wife and our God would consider flirtatious.
A huge roadblock that came about during our restoration was being intimate. I am not talking about cuddling and holding hands. Although that could be troublesome as well. I am talking about sexual intimacy. There were a couple different factors that made this such an enormous problem. I think it’s really important to share this part of my story because many wives might be going through the same thing. I also get e-mails that specifically ask about this aspect. I also am sharing this because it is known that pornography interferes so much with intimacy in marriage. There are devastating consequences for both husbands and wives. It is truly sorrowful. However, if we fight through this time and rely on God, things can turn around!
My husband has been overcoming a lust and pornography addiction in the past three and a half years. He had this addiction for most of his life. There are times and situations that he is greatly tempted. Currently, he faces one of the worst situations at his second job. There are just so many temptations there. I would like to explain them all and also discuss how we work together to help this unavoidable circumstance.
This is a prayer for husbands written by my husband. It is based on the prayer that he has been praying each morning for two years. He uses this prayer to beat his struggle with lust and to stay away from all pornography. It is my hope that this prayer may help your husband too.