This is a post written by my husband for your husband. You can read a prayer written by him here. You can also check out the Ask My Husband page. Additionally, there is a new post for the Restoring Marriages Bible Study so that you can find all the days on one post.
Cleansing Your Mind: For Husbands
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.(NKJV)
Image after image after image followed by more images. Why won’t they go away? I just want to follow you God. I promise this is the last time I act on these images.
Restoring Marriages Bible Study
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I would have to say that the single most difficult thing for my husband is openness. I think it is this way with most men who are addicted to pornography. This is because the men that hide porn do so out of guilt and shame. Therefore, their whole life is wrapped around secrecy. Their wives do not truly know them at all. What we know is actually a fake version of our husbands. That is until we find out the truth.
I’ll never forget the first time my husband actually admitted he had a struggle. Previously, he had admitted failure, but he quickly brushed it off. He tried to convince me of a miraculous healing where he never had a single lustful thought again. Believe me, I do accept God’s amazing healing powers. However, I am not going to be deceived. I know that when a man is addicted to pornography for most of his life and suddenly quits, there will be set-backs, at least in thought.
I was tormenting myself one night by thinking of what was really going on in my husband’s life. I just knew, deep in my heart, that he still struggled sometimes. I ended up searching the internet. That is when I first found the Covenant Eyes website. I found so many great articles about lust and how it is all so difficult for a man. I really was trying to get to a point where I could at least understand why this was such a part of my husband’s life. I also found many great e-books for husbands and wives. I remember printing out about ten different things. I wanted to show them to my husband and try to have a conversation with him. I just really wanted him to open up to me.
There were many years that I had a tough time with Father’s Day. I was confused and wondered, “How do I celebrate my husband as a father when he has participated in such an awful sin that is certainly not honorable?” To be honest, I really didn’t want to celebrate the holiday for him at all. If it were up to me, I would just ignore it completely. But then that wouldn’t be fair to my children. That wouldn’t be fair to my husband either because I was willingly working to restore our marriage. So how could I approach this day in a way that was genuine? I didn’t want to spend the day “faking” happiness. Maybe you have felt this way or you even feel this way right now. You might be tempted to use Father’s Day as a day to show your husband everything he is not. You might want to take all your hurt out on him and explain all the ways he’s lacking as a father and husband. You might want to make him feel some of the pain and disgust that you feel inside. The problem with all of that is it’s not God’s way.
Mother’s Day was a very difficult holiday for me. I’m sure many women coming to this site can relate. Especially now when I am looking back at the past few years. How did that first Mother’s Day feel after I found out my husband was addicted to pornography? Obviously, I did not feel like a special woman in my family. I was not cherished. I was not honored. Mother’s Day was more of a reminder of what my family was lacking. I found it hard just to get through the day.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
-Isaiah 43:19 Continue reading