A Valentine’s Day Gift from the Wife of a Pornography Watcher

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I know we’ve all been hearing a lot about the upcoming Valentine’s Day. I’ve seen many posts offering unique gifts for your spouse. Some of these have great suggestions. However, if you’re like me, there may have been times that Valentine’s Day was painful. Many of you are struggling to rebuild your marriage. Some of you are feeling hopeless with the cycle of your husband’s lust.

There have been a few Valentine’s Days that brought me deep sadness. But, this year, I’d like to offer a post with some hopeful gifts for your husband. The first year after I found out about my husband’s pornography viewing and unfaithfulness, I felt awful. I couldn’t think about getting him the usual mushy-type gifts. This is why I think Valentine’s Day can be a nice opportunity to give him a gift of encouragement. Some gifts can bring us closer to each other and the Lord. Of course, if you’re working toward reconciliation, still give him the gift you know he’ll love.

So, here are some gifts to provide your marriage with hope. Some of these I’ve given to my husband.

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Finding Courage to Face the Pain

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I am happy to share with you today’s post from Bonny Logsdon Burns. She is the author and founder of OysterBed7.

Robi’s blog name is dead-on.  Active hope is how God continues to lead me after our marriage’s initial devastation with pornography.  Thank you, Robi, for allowing me to share my hope with your readers.

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With our 2-year-old son asleep in the next room, I try to haul my pregnant belly into bed.  I’m 35 weeks ginormous with identical twin boys.  I lift my feet off the floor just as I hear the sound of a freight train outside, the tell-tale sign of a tornado.

A lifetime of tornado drills put my husband and I in auto-pilot.  We know exactly what to do to have the greatest chance of survival.

It takes 60 seconds for the violent, F4 tornado to clear a path in our neighborhood.  I barely have time to ask God for help.

The break of day finds me trembling in a hospital bed as I watch the aftermath on television.  I weep from horror and gratefulness as I see the massive debris field of my neighborhood.

The first decade of my marriage was like this tornado.  It was only in retrospect that I saw clues that a tornado was coming.  We had foul weather swirling; nasty attitudes, disregard, dismissive and condescending behavior; until it all converged in devastating fall-out.

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A New Year’s Prayer

A Prayer on Hopeful Wife Today

This prayer is for the wife who is looking for hope in the New Year.

Dear Holy God,

The New Year is coming. Only You, God, know what will happen in this year.

Only You, God, knew all that would happen in my life. And I know I do not want to repeat these events again.

I am coming to You, God, for a new prayer. I’ve had prayers of sorrow and anger. But, let this prayer be different.

Let this be a beautiful prayer of hope to my Holy God. I love You, God. And I trust You more than any other.

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Christmas is Coming, Along with Painful Memories

Immanuel-God with us

Christmas is coming. With this realization, comes a lot of excitement. Most of us are preparing for this Christmas season. There is much to do with decorating and exchanging gifts. We’ve put the tree up and started playing Christmas carols.

I have many beautiful memories of past Christmas Days. I’ve always particularly loved Christmas and all the astonishment surrounding it.

However, despite all this joy, I know that me and you have painful memories of Christmas time. Maybe you are caught right in the middle of a struggling marriage. Or maybe you have been on your way to restoration. But, there are still painful memories. Whichever situation you are in today, God is with you.

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God’s Plan When it’s Difficult

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Often, it is hard to see and understand God’s plan in our circumstances. Many times I have had difficulty figuring out what God wanted from me. You can read more about my story here.

I hear from many wives wondering why their marriage has gone like this. They wonder why has God allowed this to happen in my life. They say, “why does my husband have to have this problem with pornography and lust?” I have wondered those same things many times.

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Sharing My Story: Making Changes and Setting Boundaries

SharingMyStory

If you would like to read more about my story, please click here.

After going through the worst hurt I ever experienced in my life, I realized that I needed to make some changes. Before all this truth came out, I was very easy-going with my husband. If something made him happy, I did not mind it. One example is that he was starting to drink heavily. I never drank and did not agree with it. However, he found a way to persuade me into thinking it was not that bad. So, I let him do what he wanted. That is just one small example of how our marriage was.

However, after feeling the pain that night, I was finished with being easy-going. It was obvious that my husband did not regard me in any decisions he made. He carelessly did whatever he wanted. Even if we were “Christians”, he did not mind living a full life of sin.

This was when I started thinking about boundaries.

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An Update on My Marriage: A Broken Boundary & Growing Closer

Update

I thought it would be a really good time to give an update on my marriage because things are going well. My last two updates dealt with some rough issues. If you missed them, you can read the first one here and the second one here.

We did experience one difficulty this past week. My husband chose to break a boundary that we have in our marriage. The boundary is that he will not be alone in a closed room with another woman. We learned this boundary in the book Hedges. It really is such a great book. It was helpful in opening my husband’s eyes to how openly he was living his life. Once we read the book together, it was obvious why certain boundaries are needed in marriage. It was also obvious how a lack of boundaries had led to many of the problems we were facing.

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Scripture Meditation- Psalm 9:10

Psalm 9

I would like to start a new set of posts that help us meditate on scripture. When we are going through a crisis in marriage and seeking God to restore that marriage, it is essential that we are in the Word of God.

That is why I would like to focus on verses that bring us closer to God. Sometimes when you’re reading your Bible, a verse might stand out to you that just comforts your heart so greatly. This is when God is speaking to you.

Please read Psalm 9:10

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You. (NKJV)

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Prayer for Trusting in God

Prayer for Trusting in God

This is a prayer for the wife who has been hurt from her husband’s pornography use.

Dear God,

I come to You today to commit to trusting in You. God, You alone are the only One that I can completely trust. There have been many times that I did not know if I could trust what You are doing in my life. I am confused and often angry at these circumstances. Continue reading

Hope and Healing

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We just got back from our family vacation. It was really nice to relax and spend time together. I had very limited internet access while I was away, which made it even more relaxing because I was able to do “nothing” and rest!

When I was able to read the comments on the last post, I thought of a few things. First, I was reminded that there are many wives who are deeply hurting. Like I do many times, they feel alone and scared. They have no idea what to do. Then, I thought of the main reason I started this site. It is and always will be:

Hope and Healing for Hurting Wives

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