I know we’ve all been hearing a lot about the upcoming Valentine’s Day. I’ve seen many posts offering unique gifts for your spouse. Some of these have great suggestions. However, if you’re like me, there may have been times that Valentine’s Day was painful. Many of you are struggling to rebuild your marriage. Some of you are feeling hopeless with the cycle of your husband’s lust.
There have been a few Valentine’s Days that brought me deep sadness. But, this year, I’d like to offer a post with some hopeful gifts for your husband. The first year after I found out about my husband’s pornography viewing and unfaithfulness, I felt awful. I couldn’t think about getting him the usual mushy-type gifts. This is why I think Valentine’s Day can be a nice opportunity to give him a gift of encouragement. Some gifts can bring us closer to each other and the Lord. Of course, if you’re working toward reconciliation, still give him the gift you know he’ll love.
So, here are some gifts to provide your marriage with hope. Some of these I’ve given to my husband.
There have been many difficult things for me since I discovered my husband’s pornography use. One of those things is taking care of myself.
I have been greatly encouraged by the blog CalmHealthySexy.com by Gaye Groover Christmus. She shares so many healthy ideas. Today she is going to share some of those ideas with our community.
I’m honored that Robi asked me to share some ideas with you, and I thank you for welcoming me into this place of prayer, respite and community. I know that many of you are dealing with very difficult circumstances in your marriages, and I am praying for you as I write this.
Women often find it difficult to take care of themselves. More than likely, you find yourself in that position too. Maybe all of your time and energy are consumed by caring for others, leaving little time or energy for you. Maybe you’re facing situations that just seem overwhelming, and self-care seems like an impossible luxury. Maybe you don’t even realize that your body, mind and spirit need some tender loving care. Or maybe you just don’t believe that you deserve it.
If that’s the case, the thing I want to say to you today is this: You are a beautiful and valuable daughter of the King. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You need and deserve to care for your body, mind and spirit. You are worth it.
I know it’s hard to care for yourself when you’re caring for your children, managing your home, homeschooling, working, and juggling other responsibilities. And when you add tremendous marriage stress to the mix, it may seem impossible.
Periodically, I try to give an update on how my marriage has been currently. I talk a lot about past struggles, but I think it’s also important to share where we are today.
If you would like to read my last update, please click here.
My husband decided to go to a counselor. I have been frequently asked if my husband goes to counseling or if he has an accountability partner. Many wonder why he does not have an accountability partner. I think he would personally like to have one. However, he has not met someone yet that he feels he can share the details of his life with.
Because of this, we decide it’s best to share our lives, thoughts, temptations, and struggles with each other. However, due to several reasons, he has started going to counseling weekly.
Christmas is coming. With this realization, comes a lot of excitement. Most of us are preparing for this Christmas season. There is much to do with decorating and exchanging gifts. We’ve put the tree up and started playing Christmas carols.
I have many beautiful memories of past Christmas Days. I’ve always particularly loved Christmas and all the astonishment surrounding it.
However, despite all this joy, I know that me and you have painful memories of Christmas time. Maybe you are caught right in the middle of a struggling marriage. Or maybe you have been on your way to restoration. But, there are still painful memories. Whichever situation you are in today, God is with you.
If you would like to read more about my story, please click here.
After going through the worst hurt I ever experienced in my life, I realized that I needed to make some changes. Before all this truth came out, I was very easy-going with my husband. If something made him happy, I did not mind it. One example is that he was starting to drink heavily. I never drank and did not agree with it. However, he found a way to persuade me into thinking it was not that bad. So, I let him do what he wanted. That is just one small example of how our marriage was.
However, after feeling the pain that night, I was finished with being easy-going. It was obvious that my husband did not regard me in any decisions he made. He carelessly did whatever he wanted. Even if we were “Christians”, he did not mind living a full life of sin.
This was when I started thinking about boundaries.
If you would like to read previous Restoring Marriages Bible Studies, please click here.
Psalm 30:5 says
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
In marriage, we all go through times of sorrow. This is true for life in general. We all go through moments of sorrow. Right now, your marriage may be living in sorrow. Even if you are rebuilding, you may be caught in sorrow.
If you would like to read my story from the beginning and the reason why I am writing about this please see the Sharing My Story Page.
Sharing My Story: God’s Faithfulness in My Pain
After my husband told me the painful confession about his co-worker, I think I was in shock. I remember feeling thankful to God that he finally admitted some truth to me. However, I didn’t feel any pain for a few days. I think I was really just so shocked that my loving husband would actually pursue another woman. He really lived a true double life. I would like all of you to know that if this has happened in your marriage, I understand. I know that you never thought this would happen to you. I had honestly believed that we were in love and that my husband would never even look at another woman. Words cannot explain the shock that I was experiencing since the beginning of this journey.
After I felt this shock, I began to feel so very alone. My husband was the one that I went to with everything. He was my love and my best friend. And he had hurt me so deeply. Yes, he was very ashamed. He was very repentant. He felt very guilty. But, none of that changed how alone I felt. I didn’t know anyone I could talk to that would understand. I also looked for a website where women could connect with each other if they were experiencing this. That is why I know God is blessing this site. Almost every woman I have met through this site has told me how alone she feels in this. This is because the hurt is from the sin of our husbands. And that makes the pain more unbearable. Additionally, most women are too embarrassed to talk about this. It is a deep rejection.
This is a prayer for the wife who has been hurt from her husband’s pornography use.
I come to You today to commit to trusting in You. God, You alone are the only One that I can completely trust. There have been many times that I did not know if I could trust what You are doing in my life. I am confused and often angry at these circumstances. Continue reading
We just got back from our family vacation. It was really nice to relax and spend time together. I had very limited internet access while I was away, which made it even more relaxing because I was able to do “nothing” and rest!
When I was able to read the comments on the last post, I thought of a few things. First, I was reminded that there are many wives who are deeply hurting. Like I do many times, they feel alone and scared. They have no idea what to do. Then, I thought of the main reason I started this site. It is and always will be:
Hope and Healing for Hurting Wives
If you would like to read further days in the Restoring Marriages Bible Study, please click here. Our last study was about Turning to God. Today we will look at our faith in God.
Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 10-Faith in God
James 1:6 is a verse that speaks to my heart quite often.
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. (NKJV)
Many times we bring requests to God. We may be sincere in our asking and earnestly seek God. However, many times we walk away not believing that God will hear and answer our requests.
I am sure you have asked God for help in your marriage many times. You may have asked God to heal your hurts. You may have asked God to help bring change in your spouse. There are just so many things that we ask God!
Some things that I have come to God about are forgiveness, healing, help with anger, my husband, my marriage, my emotions, etc. This list can go on and on.
But, what we go to God with is not as important as the faith we have in God.