I decided that this would be a good time to give an update on my marriage. If you are new to this site, I have started giving periodic updates. The first update was here if you missed it. I started this because it is an open and honest way to share how my husband and I are currently doing with rebuilding our marriage. I had started this site so that I could share my story of discovering my husband’s pornography use. But, I came to realize that it’s important to share where we are currently and how we are struggling or growing.
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage is written by Sheila Wray Gregoire. It is an excellent book for any marriage. It contains new thoughts that can revolutionize the way many women think about their marriages. Sheila is the founder of the blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. Many times her posts have helped me in my marriage. Her perspective and wisdom on so many marriage topics is a true gift from God. I recommend all of her books.
Today, I would like to explain how one of the thoughts in her book changed my entire marriage. The thought is:
“I’m called to be a peacemaker, not a peacekeeper.”
Sheila explains how many women think that they are supposed to keep the peace in the marriage by agreeing with their husbands on the outside, but hurting deeply on the inside. In a way they think they have to let their husbands have their way with everything just to keep him happy and have a peaceful home. But, this isn’t real peace and in the end it is destruction.
This way of thinking led to many problems in my own marriage.
I had a really nice childhood. I have to say that I truly love my dad. My dad never introduced lust into our home. I never really knew how much of a struggle lust is for men. My father treated me with respect my whole life and he still does. He’s been faithful to my mom his whole life. He never had pornography of any kind in our house. We didn’t have the internet or any adult channels on TV. I always assumed that men had complete control over this sin. I thought they easily chose whether to partake in it or not. Additionally, I never thought it was something that nice, Godly men would consume in secret. I guess I was pretty naive.
1 Peter 4:8 says
And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”
It’s very important to discuss protecting our marriages. One mistake that I made is I never thought I would have to protect my marriage. I thought our marriage was so wonderful and it would always be happy. I never stopped to think that outside forces could destroy what was sacred inside. I’m sure many of you could say the very same thing. And I think most married people will admit that they could have prevented certain things. We don’t have to dwell on that because we can’t change anything from the past. However, we can change the future. And that is why we must take the time to protect our marriage.
More books have been added to the Books to Grow Your Marriage page.
More songs have been added to the Encouraging Music page.
Additionally, I have added a new page called Inspiring Blogs.
Please share any books or music that have helped you and I will add them to those pages. Thank you and I pray that these resources can help bring you closer to God.
Some moments of life seem very dark. Those moments are empty, hopeless, unbearable times. We wonder, where is God? Everyone around seems like they are just getting along fine with life. People everywhere are laughing, talking, and going about their day. But, inside of you, you’re stuck in this dark moment.
You probably planned how your marriage and family would be. You would make such wonderful memories together. You’d have so many happy times. Love would be abundant, people caring about each other, and everything would be great.
I know within that image you never pictured your husband would be addicted to pornography. You never thought the special man you wanted to spend your whole life with could ever hurt you this deeply. We often think certain troubles will happen to other people. Then, one day, they happen to you. And you’re left in a very dark moment. What do you do now?