Help!

Facing a betrayal from a spouse can be one of the most painful experiences we will ever encounter in our lives. Our husband, the one that we trust the most and love so deeply, has willingly caused destruction and heartache to our marriage and life. Therefore, there may be many times that we can get “stuck” in raw emotion.

Whether it be anger, depression, regret, sadness, or any other emotion you might find it almost impossible to overcome. When tragedy in our marriages come, we can have intense feelings. They can start to dominate our whole lives, making it impossible to go through the day and follow God’s purpose.

I would like to give you some things to try when you feel controlled by emotions due to your husband’s sin.

Find a quiet place where you can be alone for a few minutes. Choose a Bible verse that speaks to your heart and pertains to your emotions. Meditate on that verse. Say it several times. Pray that God would take away the emotions that are controlling you. Ask God to fill your mind and heart with his comfort and to give you relief from focusing on what your husband has done.

Write down all the thoughts that are consuming you. Fill up pages if you must. When you are done, put it away and make a vow not to think of anything you have written for the rest of the day.

Get out and do something fun that you love to do. Enjoy what you have chosen just for you. It’s great to put aside the troubles for a short while to have some relief and enjoyment.

Write about what your feeling on this site! Go to the personal stories page. Write down everything that’s going on with you and know that others are praying for you.

Commit to believing that God opened your eyes to this sin for a reason. God can use this to make your marriage more beautiful than it ever was. Your husband needs full repentance and commitment to God. If this sin was not brought to light, most likely that would not have happened. Trust God that he can cleanse your husband’s heart of impurity and make your marriage new. God can take awful, messy things and make them into something beautiful.

I did not put any strategies for changing your husband in this post. Those ideas can be found under Breaking the Addiction. Sometimes, even if our husbands are doing everything right, we can still be stuck in our emotions. That’s why this post concentrates on how to help you despite how your husband is doing.

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11 thoughts on “Help!

  1. I found out about my husband’s addiction last July during our 15th year anniversary trip. His addiction also lead to an adulterous relationship with a female coworker. He has repented and has been attending church with me since February. He has also joyed the me a group at church. His change is beyond words. But I still feel betrayed and disappointed. I don’t want to end the marriage. We gave two amazing boys and I do love my husband. What can I do??

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  2. Hi Liz,
    I’m so thankful you made it here. I can tell you’ve been fighting through these painful feelings. I also feel betrayed and disappointed at times. What we can do together is keep going by faith in God. We can trust God each day to bring about His hope and healing to our lives. It’s also good to rebuild your relationship with your husband by spending time together praying, talking, and reading Godly inspirational books. I have more information about those things under Breaking the Habit and Recommended Reading. Please keep us updated on how it’s going and take time to meditate on any of the posts here that may help you. There is not an easy way out of this trauma. Know that I am praying for you and for your marriage.

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  3. Not sure how to start this, when I confronted him he said it wasn’t him someone used his phone or last year someone used his email address and now he has gotten clever and going through play store for chatting apps or other websites. I love him and know he is a good man and praying but I feel so alone and torn apart. maybe because I put on weight. I thought he would be different than exhusband that did it in front me and loved to put me down. I ask God why would he put me through this again knowing what I went through before. I just want him to love me like he use to. We have been together 5 years and married for almost 3. We used to go yo church regularly but now we haven’t gone in a month or longer.

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  4. Hi Carol,
    I am praying for you and your husband. Thank you for your honesty. It can be so difficult to endure these trials. Have you tried any of the suggestions under the page Breaking the Addiction?

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  5. I am experiencing this as well. And it’s not for the first time. Difference is that this time I have decided I want out of our marriage whereas he is adamant he wants help and wants to make it work.
    There is no fight left in me anymore. I feel too betrayed and at a point where I do not want to be married, be with him….i’m broken and feel it’s best to step away from a very unhealthy and unfulfiling situation and just be alone..and mend.

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  6. Pingback: One Wife’s Question: Troubling Thoughts | Hopeful Wife Today

  7. Thank you for all you’re doing to help out wives struggling with these problems. I have just recently found this site and I know that I am thankful for it already.

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