Rebuilding Trust after My Husband Had an Addiction to Pornography

How do you rebuild your trust in your husband after discovering a porn problem? How do you open yourself up again to sexual and emotional intimacy?

After ten years of marriage, I discovered that my husband had a secret addiction to pornography. I was completely clueless about this addiction. After knowing that I wanted to stay married to him, I knew we had a lot of work to do in our marriage. Before this discovery I realized that we were living in a fake relationship. In other words, we were two broken people that kept our true selves hidden. We thought we were in love and that we had a wonderful marriage. However, underneath this, we were both suffering.

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Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 5

Marriage Restored

If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1.

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NKJV)

The Armor of God

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints

Husbands and wives must start each day seeking God. Each day brings about its own struggles. We do not know what evil things will be thrown at us. We do not know what difficulties will arise in our life. We each have things that we struggle with internally. Without God guiding us through our entire day, we can have a difficult time getting through any of our trials.

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My Personal Story: Doubting

SharingMyStory After I explained to my husband the hurting I was still feeling inside, noting really changed in our marriage. We were still two people living together, but never really connecting to each other. I started to doubt God and all His promises. I wondered day after day why I was in such a lonely marriage. I really wanted to know why my marriage ended up this way. I had loved my husband so much for eleven years of marriage. And there I was taking care of a fourth newborn! I was exhausted. I was totally worn out. But, I really never could sleep at night. I would lie awake thinking about my life and wondering what happened. Continue reading

Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 4

Marriage Restored

If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1.

Psalm 30:2 (NKJV):

O Lord, my God, I cried out to You, and You healed me.

When our marriage is being restored, we greatly need a healer. We need the One who will come into our lives and mend the broken places. There are so many areas that need the miraculous touch of our Savior. These areas are in our marriage, but also in ourselves. That is why today’s verse is about God’s healing.

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A Second Chance on Father’s Day

Fathers Day

There were many years that I had a tough time with Father’s Day. I was confused and wondered, “How do I celebrate my husband as a father when he has participated in such an awful sin that is certainly not honorable?” To be honest, I really didn’t want to celebrate the holiday for him at all. If it were up to me, I would just ignore it completely. But then that wouldn’t be fair to my children. That wouldn’t be fair to my husband either because I was willingly working to restore our marriage. So how could I approach this day in a way that was genuine? I didn’t want to spend the day “faking” happiness. Maybe you have felt this way or you even feel this way right now. You might be tempted to use Father’s Day as a day to show your husband everything he is not. You might want to take all your hurt out on him and explain all the ways he’s lacking as a father and husband. You might want to make him feel some of the pain and disgust that you feel inside. The problem with all of that is it’s not God’s way.

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An Update

Hi Everyone!

I want you all to know that I am praying for everyone that comes to this site and thinking of each person. We just moved on Saturday! Things are really busy now and our computer is still not set up! So that is why I haven’t posted yet this week. Once we’re unpacked a little and set up, I’ll be back to my regular posts! In the meantime, please share any prayer requests you have.

Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 3

Marriage Restored

If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1.

Psalm 33:4 (NKJV)

For the word of the Lord is right, and all His work is done in truth.

Today we are going to discuss truth. Specifically-God’s truth. Truth has to do with a lot of other things. Truth can mean openness, faithfulness, or trust. If your marriage is hurting because of pornography use or unfaithfulness, truth probably means a lot to you. Most commonly, when one spouse is unfaithful, it is a hidden lie. And when our husbands are deeply addicted to pornography, it is usually something that was hidden their whole life. Now, everything is known and exposed. Now we have the truth. This truth is such a difficult thing. It is crushing. It is suffocating. It can consume our whole marriage and life if we let it. But, God can show us how truth can be a blessing too.

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Can God Heal This?

Can God Heal This? An answer from the wife of a porn user

If you have discovered that your husband views pornography, you are probably deeply hurt. Most likely, you are crushed. If you’re like me, you feel hopeless, lost, and worthless.

That’s how I felt three and a half years ago. That was when I discovered my husband of ten years was addicted to pornography. I remember it being just a regular day, taking care of the kids. Then I stumbled upon something on his phone that forever changed my life. I saw a deleted still screen from a pornographic website. I was shocked. I wondered how this could possibly be true. I knew everything about my husband, right? I knew the heart of this man. I was in love with this man! How could he be hiding such a secret?

Finish reading this article at Covenant Eyes

My Personal Story: Opening

Opening

I haven’t posted about My Personal Story in awhile so if you’ve just started reading it, the first part starts with Discovery. I realized that I didn’t post about this for so long because it is the hardest thing that I write about on here. However, it’s very important to me that I share my own story. It is the main reason that I started this site. I wanted to share with other women who are deeply hurting how my marriage got from brokenness to restored. I also encourage everyone to share their stories as well. I believe this helps us to heal. First, it’s helpful to read how others have struggled or what they have learned. It’s also healing for us to be able to verbalize what we faced. As we do this, we can release it a little more. Then, we can pray for each other. There are just so many benefits from sharing our story with each other. So, I am encouraging you today, if you would like to share your story, please do! You can do that on this page, on the Personal Stories page, or as a guest post.

Opening

I had made up my mind that I was going to talk with my husband about how much I was still suffering. We hadn’t actually talked about his addiction to pornography for a year! I don’t know about anyone else, but for me that was torture. I had so many questions and wanted to share so much with my husband, but how could I if this was completely off limits in our marriage? And how could I bridge that gap? I couldn’t bridge that gap, but God could.

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