We’ve been discussing thoughts several times recently. We looked at a question from a wife who had troubling thoughts. Then, I talked about what we think about in an Update on My Marriage and the recent Restoring Marriages Bible Study. Many readers also commented on how they struggle with these thoughts as well. Someone even brought up how current events can make us remember the bad things that have happened. Then we get stuck and dwell on them. This is one issue that seems to be so difficult for every wife who finds out about her husband’s secrets. That is why I thought I would continue with this topic.
I recently received this question from a wife:
There was recently an episode last week in which my husband lied to me. We have accountability talks each week where we discuss struggles, temptations, etc.
During this time he reported that he had been tempted to look at a provocative picture online but didn’t because he loves me and knows that it is not worth it. I had a feeling to check his internet history and found that he had actually looked at the image. I am struggling with how to resolve the issue of lying and how we can work together to be more open, honest and also what we can do to set boundaries. He admitted he lied but says it is because he wanted to avoid my reaction. I was hoping you could give some godly advice.
Once my husband finally admitted to me that he did indeed have a problem with lust, I knew I could start to help him. I was obviously deeply sad and regretful that what I knew all along was true. However, I was more excited than sad. I knew that God was confirming what I already knew anyhow. It’s just hard to hear it, even when you know it’s true.
That’s why I decided to place my trust in God. I knew God was leading me in this direction. I knew completely that God wanted to use me to help my husband be open with me. I know I’ve said so many times that honesty and openness is truly my husband’s greatest struggle. And at that point it was obvious that it was coming between him and God and him and me.
So, I placed my hurt feelings in God’s hands. I tried with all my strength to just understand why lust and pornography is such a problem for men and not to only react personally. The truth is, we never will fully understand this struggle that men have. We just can’t. We’re not made that way. And we have to come to the point where we accept that we won’t understand it. We have to know that God understands it and that’s all that really matters.
If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1
Psalm 119:105 (NKJV)
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
Today we are going to discuss God’s word and how important it is for our lives. The number one way that we hear from God is through His word called the Bible. In the Bible we have God’s message, written through people, to everyone. God’s word is relevant and powerful. It is a guide for our entire life. There should never be a time in our life that we stop reading the Bible. During this time of rebuilding your marriage, reading the Bible together and individually should be one of the most important things you do.
Along with rebuilding trust, one of the most difficult things to restore after your husband uses porn or acts unfaithfully is sexual intimacy. Most wives loose all desire to be with their husband after discovering he looks at porn. She feels betrayed, hurt, angry, and used. Most husbands have huge side effects from using so much porn. It seems daunting to think about returning to making love again after this type of crisis. After I found out my husband was addicted to pornography, I did so much research through Christ-centered websites. I read so many things on this topic. Many things were helpful and some things did not help quite so much for me. So, in this post, I just want to talk from my own experience. What I know is that three and a half years ago our marriage had basically nothing. It was empty and dead in every area and that includes sex. Now, God has brought us to a place where we have sexual intimacy like we never thought possible. I want to share with you how we got from one point to the other.