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Psalm 30:5 says
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
In marriage, we all go through times of sorrow. This is true for life in general. We all go through moments of sorrow. Right now, your marriage may be living in sorrow. Even if you are rebuilding, you may be caught in sorrow.
I recently posted When Thoughts Trouble You. This post was about overcoming those difficult, satanic thoughts that come to us. One comment mentioned that this is easier when your husband is doing the right thing. That is, of course, right. It is so much easier to follow God and overcome our thoughts when our husband is following God himself. It helps when he is living out a faithful, loving lifestyle. But, what can you do if your husband is not? How can you grow and heal through God? And how can you help guide your husband to God? I would like to talk about some suggestions in this post.
First, I would like to explain that my husband did not instantly follow God after I found out about his pornography addiction and unfaithfulness. If you are new to this site, you can read more about my story here. I just want to let you know that it was a very long time before my husband followed God and was completely repentant. Looking back, it really happened in small parts. God uncovered each thing one at a time. God showed us both the area we needed to grow in. And that was the area we worked on. We are never a completed process. But, we are continually working to grow closer to God and each other.
Sometimes when wives read my posts and my guest posts, they comment or ask how my husband instantly came to God or how my marriage was restored “over night”. This is really far from the truth and I want all of you to know that God has worked slowly to bring my marriage where it is today. I am starting to see how this is part of God’s plan too. It would be impossible to immediately fix all the things that were hurt and broken in both of us. Usually, God’s way is to gently draw us closer to him. I am going to continue sharing how we both got to the place we are today. But, for this post, I just want to focus on a few important points.
Today we are going to study turning to God with all of our hearts.
If you would like to see the Restoring Marriages Bible Study Days 1-8, please click here.
Turning to God
Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. (Matthew 7:13-14 NKJV)
When we go through a crisis in our marriage, we realize how uncertain life can be. Maybe you had dreams about the way your life was to go. Maybe your finding out for the first time that life is a very difficult path. Wherever you are right now, one thing is very certain. We need God. We cannot go through these trials without God. When we try to do it our own way, we end up hopeless.
Jesus came to give us hope.
This is a post written by my husband for your husband. You can read a prayer written by him here. You can also check out the Ask My Husband page. Additionally, there is a new post for the Restoring Marriages Bible Study so that you can find all the days on one post.
Cleansing Your Mind: For Husbands
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.(NKJV)
Image after image after image followed by more images. Why won’t they go away? I just want to follow you God. I promise this is the last time I act on these images.
Restoring Marriages Bible Study
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If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1.
Psalm 147:3 (NKJV)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Today’s bible study is a day to meditate on the verse. The way that we can meditate on this particular verse is to first read it a few times. Next, take a turn to each describe how this verse speaks to your heart. Either husband or wife can go first. Today’s verse is such an intimate verse. When we hear this verse, we usually think of something immediately. We think of that wound deep inside of us that seems unable to ever be mended. We usually feel so much pain in this wound. There may be many years of suffering. It might seem like it’s been there forever.
I would have to say that the single most difficult thing for my husband is openness. I think it is this way with most men who are addicted to pornography. This is because the men that hide porn do so out of guilt and shame. Therefore, their whole life is wrapped around secrecy. Their wives do not truly know them at all. What we know is actually a fake version of our husbands. That is until we find out the truth.
I’ll never forget the first time my husband actually admitted he had a struggle. Previously, he had admitted failure, but he quickly brushed it off. He tried to convince me of a miraculous healing where he never had a single lustful thought again. Believe me, I do accept God’s amazing healing powers. However, I am not going to be deceived. I know that when a man is addicted to pornography for most of his life and suddenly quits, there will be set-backs, at least in thought.
I was tormenting myself one night by thinking of what was really going on in my husband’s life. I just knew, deep in my heart, that he still struggled sometimes. I ended up searching the internet. That is when I first found the Covenant Eyes website. I found so many great articles about lust and how it is all so difficult for a man. I really was trying to get to a point where I could at least understand why this was such a part of my husband’s life. I also found many great e-books for husbands and wives. I remember printing out about ten different things. I wanted to show them to my husband and try to have a conversation with him. I just really wanted him to open up to me.
After ten years of marriage, I discovered that my husband had a secret addiction to pornography. I was completely clueless about this addiction. After knowing that I wanted to stay married to him, I knew we had a lot of work to do in our marriage. Before this discovery I realized that we were living in a fake relationship. In other words, we were two broken people that kept our true selves hidden. We thought we were in love and that we had a wonderful marriage. However, underneath this, we were both suffering.
Continue reading this on The Forgiven Wife
If you are just starting, please check out Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Day 1
Psalm 119:105 (NKJV)
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
Today we are going to discuss God’s word and how important it is for our lives. The number one way that we hear from God is through His word called the Bible. In the Bible we have God’s message, written through people, to everyone. God’s word is relevant and powerful. It is a guide for our entire life. There should never be a time in our life that we stop reading the Bible. During this time of rebuilding your marriage, reading the Bible together and individually should be one of the most important things you do.