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Psalm 30:5 says
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
In marriage, we all go through times of sorrow. This is true for life in general. We all go through moments of sorrow. Right now, your marriage may be living in sorrow. Even if you are rebuilding, you may be caught in sorrow.
I recently posted When Thoughts Trouble You. This post was about overcoming those difficult, satanic thoughts that come to us. One comment mentioned that this is easier when your husband is doing the right thing. That is, of course, right. It is so much easier to follow God and overcome our thoughts when our husband is following God himself. It helps when he is living out a faithful, loving lifestyle. But, what can you do if your husband is not? How can you grow and heal through God? And how can you help guide your husband to God? I would like to talk about some suggestions in this post.
First, I would like to explain that my husband did not instantly follow God after I found out about his pornography addiction and unfaithfulness. If you are new to this site, you can read more about my story here. I just want to let you know that it was a very long time before my husband followed God and was completely repentant. Looking back, it really happened in small parts. God uncovered each thing one at a time. God showed us both the area we needed to grow in. And that was the area we worked on. We are never a completed process. But, we are continually working to grow closer to God and each other.
Sometimes when wives read my posts and my guest posts, they comment or ask how my husband instantly came to God or how my marriage was restored “over night”. This is really far from the truth and I want all of you to know that God has worked slowly to bring my marriage where it is today. I am starting to see how this is part of God’s plan too. It would be impossible to immediately fix all the things that were hurt and broken in both of us. Usually, God’s way is to gently draw us closer to him. I am going to continue sharing how we both got to the place we are today. But, for this post, I just want to focus on a few important points.
Today we are going to study turning to God with all of our hearts.
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Turning to God
Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. (Matthew 7:13-14 NKJV)
When we go through a crisis in our marriage, we realize how uncertain life can be. Maybe you had dreams about the way your life was to go. Maybe your finding out for the first time that life is a very difficult path. Wherever you are right now, one thing is very certain. We need God. We cannot go through these trials without God. When we try to do it our own way, we end up hopeless.
Jesus came to give us hope.
Restoring Marriages Bible Study
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After ten years of marriage, I discovered that my husband had a secret addiction to pornography. I was completely clueless about this addiction. After knowing that I wanted to stay married to him, I knew we had a lot of work to do in our marriage. Before this discovery I realized that we were living in a fake relationship. In other words, we were two broken people that kept our true selves hidden. We thought we were in love and that we had a wonderful marriage. However, underneath this, we were both suffering.
Continue reading this on The Forgiven Wife
Along with rebuilding trust, one of the most difficult things to restore after your husband uses porn or acts unfaithfully is sexual intimacy. Most wives loose all desire to be with their husband after discovering he looks at porn. She feels betrayed, hurt, angry, and used. Most husbands have huge side effects from using so much porn. It seems daunting to think about returning to making love again after this type of crisis. After I found out my husband was addicted to pornography, I did so much research through Christ-centered websites. I read so many things on this topic. Many things were helpful and some things did not help quite so much for me. So, in this post, I just want to talk from my own experience. What I know is that three and a half years ago our marriage had basically nothing. It was empty and dead in every area and that includes sex. Now, God has brought us to a place where we have sexual intimacy like we never thought possible. I want to share with you how we got from one point to the other.