When Your Husband Isn’t Doing the Right Thing


I recently posted When Thoughts Trouble You. This post was about overcoming those difficult, satanic thoughts that come to us. One comment mentioned that this is easier when your husband is doing the right thing. That is, of course, right. It is so much easier to follow God and overcome our thoughts when our husband is following God himself. It helps when he is living out a faithful, loving lifestyle. But, what can you do if your husband is not? How can you grow and heal through God? And how can you help guide your husband to God? I would like to talk about some suggestions in this post.

First, I would like to explain that my husband did not instantly follow God after I found out about his pornography addiction and unfaithfulness. If you are new to this site, you can read more about my story here. I just want to let you know that it was a very long time before my husband followed God and was completely repentant. Looking back, it really happened in small parts. God uncovered each thing one at a time. God showed us both the area we needed to grow in. And that was the area we worked on. We are never a completed process. But, we are continually working to grow closer to God and each other.

Sometimes when wives read my posts and my guest posts, they comment or ask how my husband instantly came to God or how my marriage was restored “over night”. This is really far from the truth and I want all of you to know that God has worked slowly to bring my marriage where it is today. I am starting to see how this is part of God’s plan too. It would be impossible to immediately fix all the things that were hurt and broken in both of us. Usually, God’s way is to gently draw us closer to him. I am going to continue sharing how we both got to the place we are today. But, for this post, I just want to focus on a few important points.

Stay Close To God Even When Your Husband Is Not

It’s so important to keep your relationship with God, even when your husband seems so far away. It can be tempting to get frustrated and want to give up. I’ve been there before and there have been times that it seemed too hard to keep reading my Bible alone. It seemed too hard to keep praying for my marriage. I just wanted to give up.

But, we need to stay close to God. We need to be in prayer every day. God is faithful and He will answer us. He promises to hear us when we call to Him. One way to stay close to God when we feel like giving up, is to look for verses that speak right to your heart. When I am going through my worst times, God always shows me verses that mean so much to the situation I am going through. I write them down. Sometimes I put them as the wallpaper on my phone. I keep them in my heart. I read them often. When God shows you a verse like this, write it in your journal and read it whenever you feel like giving up.

Don’t Stop Bringing Your Husband In

What I mean here is to never stop treating your husband like he is a follower. Even when my husband was so far from God, I still always talked to him and treated him like he was close to God. I talked to him about God all the time. In appropriate times I told him the things that were against God. Furthermore, I asked him to pray with me, read the Bible, talk about God, etc.

If your husband has known God in his heart, then he knows that he is not following God. You should never stop talking about God just because there is sin in your marriage. Keep God at the center always, no matter what.

Ask Him To Pray With You

God showed me and gave me the courage to ask my husband to start praying with me. I knew he loved God. But, I also knew he wasn’t praying very much. So I asked him if he would pray every night with me for our marriage. He immediately agreed. There’s something about holding hands and praying together every night that brings us closer to God. I believe this was when God really started working in my husband’s heart.

It wasn’t long before we started reading the Bible together. Then we started studying books and devotionals. Soon we started talking all about our days. We began to share our struggles and learn to open up to each other.

So, these are just a few things to remember when your husband is not following God. There is always hope. We have to put our hope in God and trust that He isn’t finished with us yet. He hears us and loves us. God walks with us through each day and each situation. May you find God’s hope and peace today.

In my distress I called upon the Lord,
And cried out to my God;
He heard my voice from His temple,
And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.

(Psalm 18:6 NKJV)

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4 thoughts on “When Your Husband Isn’t Doing the Right Thing

  1. A great book that helped me was “Boundaries in Marriage” by Dr. Henry Cloud. Since I am believer and my husband is not, I had to learn that my obedience to God was imperative if God was going to work in my marriage. I learned to say “no” to my husbands sinful behaviors all while showing him grace, love and mercy. As wives, we are called to submit to God first and then our husbands. Also, we are not called to please our husbands, only God!

    Prayer and reading Gods word is essential! The Lord really showed me how to speak to my husband when he needed to be corrected and rebuked. Mind you my husband hates when I use the bible to correct him so God showed me how to wield his truths to help my husband understand what he was doing was wrong and how he was hurting himself, our marriage and family. The bible is clear that unbelieving spouses are won by the actions and attitudes of their believing spouses so the Lord would show me how to speak to him. One tip I would give you is to never confront his failures in your anger, pain or sadness. Take it to the Lord first. I also write down all the angry things I want to say in an effort to get them out and validate my feelings without attacking my husband. Don’t accept the hurt your husband is causing you but do combat it with Gods strength.


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