Rebuilding Trust

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Rebuilding Trust in Your Husband

You might be wondering how it is possible to rebuild trust with the most untrustworthy person in your life. That person unfortunately is your husband. This is what happens when a spouse has a secret, hidden sin in pornography. This secret tears you completely apart and shatters your heart. The most difficult thing can be that it destroys all trust.

Your husband may be at a place where he has repented and would like to earn your trust back. This article will offer several suggestions to try to rebuild trust in your husband after pornography.

The most important thing to know is that ultimately, we trust in God. God is the only one who is fully worthy of our trust. He is the only one we will ever know who is completely faithful and will never fail us. That is so essential to remember because our husband will fail us. He may not fail with pornography again, but he will fail us in some way. We must expect that. This is why we all need to rely daily on God. God will guide us and guide our husbands, but only God can meet all our needs.

In order to rebuild trust, we must be willing to slowly let our husband back into our hearts. This can be so painful because we do not want to and we may be fearful that he will hurt us again. God will be with you as you open up your heart to your husband.

Have a time each day set aside for talking, praying, and reading. This is essential for honesty and openness. You should use this time to pray over your marriage and what you are rebuilding. Next, you should openly talk about your days. You can explain to your husband that you need to hear about his life, struggles, and temptations in order to gain back trust in his word. Lastly, you can spend time reading a Godly devotional or book that you both can learn and grow from.

Try to do fun things with your husband again. This can be anything from a date, playing a game, watching a movie, or whatever else you enjoy doing together. Try not to dwell on all the things you are working through during this time. This can be a stress-free time, sort of like a break, from all the hurt you are going through. You may start to realize the things you still love and enjoy about your husband.

Talk to your husband about the things that you need in order to rebuild honesty. That will look different for each wife. Some need very honest communication. Some people like an accurate account of their husband’s day. You have to decide what is really most important to you and discuss that with your husband.

Lastly, develop a very close relationship with God. Spend time daily praying and reading God’s word. God will comfort you and speak to you about how to trust your husband again.

Please add to this list as there are many other things that can be helpful in rebuilding trust.

5 thoughts on “Rebuilding Trust

  1. Pingback: Trust in the Lord | Hopeful Wife Today

  2. Thank you for this article. I am struggling with trusting. My husband has looked at porn all our married lives. We will celebrate our 28th anniversary tomorrow. It has been a vicious cycle for all of our marriage. He would get caught or confess, things would be ok for a while, then he would do it again. I lived a life of constantly trying to please him, keep him happy, keep him satisfied. He had an accountability partner for years, but was not truthful with him. We used filters on our computers, but he would find away around them, or look at porn at work or on his phone. We went to counseling off and on for years, participated faithfully in Celebrate Recovery for three years, and still the vicious cycle continued. Finally, we went to weekly counseling yet again, but he continued to use porn even during this time. The counselor strongly encouraged him to step down from all his leadership positions at church, which he did for about a year. He is back in leadership positions, and claims to be walking in victory as far as I know. He does not have an accountability partner, does not communicate to me how he is doing in this area, and does not have much to offer when I’ve tried to talk with him about this. Intimacy between us might as well be non-existent in all areas of our relationship. I feel like a roommate with benefits. We don’t even know how to relate to one another. All of our marriage we have related to one another in light of the knowledge of the existence of his porn addiction in our relationship. It seemed like he really was on the right road there for a while. But, now it seems like something is up now that the pressure is off. I think I’m living each day just waiting for him to get caught or confess again. That’s all I’ve ever known for 28 years. He has no idea the kind of damage he’s caused with the constant rejection he’s demonstrated toward me for so long. I really need God to heal us.

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  3. Dear LC,
    I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve endured for so long. I pray that you can find some comfort and hope here. Know that God is with You and knows all things. Have you tried setting aside some time each day where you can talk honestly to your husband and pray with him? Maybe that would help both of you to connect? I am praying for you. Let me know how things are going.

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  4. Pingback: Restoring Marriages Bible Study Day 9: Turning to God | Hopeful Wife Today

  5. My husband and I were hurt deeply by church leaders. What I learned from the experience is that sometimes church leaders hide from their own issues by ‘leading’ or focusing on helping others, but it can do more harm than good for all involved. I’m praying for all that are impacted, and that God will give you wisdom on how to address this with your husband and your church.

    Book that has helped me- WORTHY OF HER TRUST

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