A Valentine’s Day Gift from the Wife of a Pornography Watcher

VDAY

I know we’ve all been hearing a lot about the upcoming Valentine’s Day. I’ve seen many posts offering unique gifts for your spouse. Some of these have great suggestions. However, if you’re like me, there may have been times that Valentine’s Day was painful. Many of you are struggling to rebuild your marriage. Some of you are feeling hopeless with the cycle of your husband’s lust.

There have been a few Valentine’s Days that brought me deep sadness. But, this year, I’d like to offer a post with some hopeful gifts for your husband. The first year after I found out about my husband’s pornography viewing and unfaithfulness, I felt awful. I couldn’t think about getting him the usual mushy-type gifts. This is why I think Valentine’s Day can be a nice opportunity to give him a gift of encouragement. Some gifts can bring us closer to each other and the Lord. Of course, if you’re working toward reconciliation, still give him the gift you know he’ll love.

So, here are some gifts to provide your marriage with hope. Some of these I’ve given to my husband.

Continue reading

Finding Courage to Face the Pain

Picture2

I am happy to share with you today’s post from Bonny Logsdon Burns. She is the author and founder of OysterBed7.

Robi’s blog name is dead-on.  Active hope is how God continues to lead me after our marriage’s initial devastation with pornography.  Thank you, Robi, for allowing me to share my hope with your readers.

**************

With our 2-year-old son asleep in the next room, I try to haul my pregnant belly into bed.  I’m 35 weeks ginormous with identical twin boys.  I lift my feet off the floor just as I hear the sound of a freight train outside, the tell-tale sign of a tornado.

A lifetime of tornado drills put my husband and I in auto-pilot.  We know exactly what to do to have the greatest chance of survival.

It takes 60 seconds for the violent, F4 tornado to clear a path in our neighborhood.  I barely have time to ask God for help.

The break of day finds me trembling in a hospital bed as I watch the aftermath on television.  I weep from horror and gratefulness as I see the massive debris field of my neighborhood.

The first decade of my marriage was like this tornado.  It was only in retrospect that I saw clues that a tornado was coming.  We had foul weather swirling; nasty attitudes, disregard, dismissive and condescending behavior; until it all converged in devastating fall-out.

Continue reading

Sharing My Story: Making Changes and Setting Boundaries

SharingMyStory

If you would like to read more about my story, please click here.

After going through the worst hurt I ever experienced in my life, I realized that I needed to make some changes. Before all this truth came out, I was very easy-going with my husband. If something made him happy, I did not mind it. One example is that he was starting to drink heavily. I never drank and did not agree with it. However, he found a way to persuade me into thinking it was not that bad. So, I let him do what he wanted. That is just one small example of how our marriage was.

However, after feeling the pain that night, I was finished with being easy-going. It was obvious that my husband did not regard me in any decisions he made. He carelessly did whatever he wanted. Even if we were “Christians”, he did not mind living a full life of sin.

This was when I started thinking about boundaries.

Continue reading

Restoring Marriages Bible Study: Our Sorrow

Marriage Restored

If you would like to read previous Restoring Marriages Bible Studies, please click here.

Psalm 30:5 says

Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

In marriage, we all go through times of sorrow. This is true for life in general. We all go through moments of sorrow. Right now, your marriage may be living in sorrow. Even if you are rebuilding, you may be caught in sorrow.

Continue reading

The Impact on our Children

Impact on our Children

Obviously the hurt that comes to a wife after she finds out about her husband’s problem with pornography and lust affects the whole family. The family is now going through an unexpected crisis. And this impacts everyone in the family.

A reader asked if I would comment on the impact that this has on our children. She left this suggestion on the page Feedback from Readers. This is a great way to ask questions or to suggest ideas for future posts.

Continue reading

An Update on My Marriage: A Broken Boundary & Growing Closer

Update

I thought it would be a really good time to give an update on my marriage because things are going well. My last two updates dealt with some rough issues. If you missed them, you can read the first one here and the second one here.

We did experience one difficulty this past week. My husband chose to break a boundary that we have in our marriage. The boundary is that he will not be alone in a closed room with another woman. We learned this boundary in the book Hedges. It really is such a great book. It was helpful in opening my husband’s eyes to how openly he was living his life. Once we read the book together, it was obvious why certain boundaries are needed in marriage. It was also obvious how a lack of boundaries had led to many of the problems we were facing.

Continue reading

Scripture Meditation- Psalm 9:10

Psalm 9

I would like to start a new set of posts that help us meditate on scripture. When we are going through a crisis in marriage and seeking God to restore that marriage, it is essential that we are in the Word of God.

That is why I would like to focus on verses that bring us closer to God. Sometimes when you’re reading your Bible, a verse might stand out to you that just comforts your heart so greatly. This is when God is speaking to you.

Please read Psalm 9:10

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You. (NKJV)

Continue reading

Sharing My Story: God’s Faithfulness in My Pain

SharingMyStory

If you would like to read my story from the beginning and the reason why I am writing about this please see the Sharing My Story Page.

Sharing My Story: God’s Faithfulness in My Pain

After my husband told me the painful confession about his co-worker, I think I was in shock. I remember feeling thankful to God that he finally admitted some truth to me. However, I didn’t feel any pain for a few days. I think I was really just so shocked that my loving husband would actually pursue another woman. He really lived a true double life. I would like all of you to know that if this has happened in your marriage, I understand. I know that you never thought this would happen to you. I had honestly believed that we were in love and that my husband would never even look at another woman. Words cannot explain the shock that I was experiencing since the beginning of this journey.

After I felt this shock, I began to feel so very alone. My husband was the one that I went to with everything. He was my love and my best friend. And he had hurt me so deeply. Yes, he was very ashamed. He was very repentant. He felt very guilty. But, none of that changed how alone I felt. I didn’t know anyone I could talk to that would understand. I also looked for a website where women could connect with each other if they were experiencing this. That is why I know God is blessing this site. Almost every woman I have met through this site has told me how alone she feels in this. This is because the hurt is from the sin of our husbands. And that makes the pain more unbearable. Additionally, most women are too embarrassed to talk about this. It is a deep rejection.

Continue reading