A Valentine’s Day Gift from the Wife of a Pornography Watcher

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I know we’ve all been hearing a lot about the upcoming Valentine’s Day. I’ve seen many posts offering unique gifts for your spouse. Some of these have great suggestions. However, if you’re like me, there may have been times that Valentine’s Day was painful. Many of you are struggling to rebuild your marriage. Some of you are feeling hopeless with the cycle of your husband’s lust.

There have been a few Valentine’s Days that brought me deep sadness. But, this year, I’d like to offer a post with some hopeful gifts for your husband. The first year after I found out about my husband’s pornography viewing and unfaithfulness, I felt awful. I couldn’t think about getting him the usual mushy-type gifts. This is why I think Valentine’s Day can be a nice opportunity to give him a gift of encouragement. Some gifts can bring us closer to each other and the Lord. Of course, if you’re working toward reconciliation, still give him the gift you know he’ll love.

So, here are some gifts to provide your marriage with hope. Some of these I’ve given to my husband.

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Hope and Healing

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We just got back from our family vacation. It was really nice to relax and spend time together. I had very limited internet access while I was away, which made it even more relaxing because I was able to do “nothing” and rest!

When I was able to read the comments on the last post, I thought of a few things. First, I was reminded that there are many wives who are deeply hurting. Like I do many times, they feel alone and scared. They have no idea what to do. Then, I thought of the main reason I started this site. It is and always will be:

Hope and Healing for Hurting Wives

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When Your Husband Isn’t Doing the Right Thing

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I recently posted When Thoughts Trouble You. This post was about overcoming those difficult, satanic thoughts that come to us. One comment mentioned that this is easier when your husband is doing the right thing. That is, of course, right. It is so much easier to follow God and overcome our thoughts when our husband is following God himself. It helps when he is living out a faithful, loving lifestyle. But, what can you do if your husband is not? How can you grow and heal through God? And how can you help guide your husband to God? I would like to talk about some suggestions in this post.

First, I would like to explain that my husband did not instantly follow God after I found out about his pornography addiction and unfaithfulness. If you are new to this site, you can read more about my story here. I just want to let you know that it was a very long time before my husband followed God and was completely repentant. Looking back, it really happened in small parts. God uncovered each thing one at a time. God showed us both the area we needed to grow in. And that was the area we worked on. We are never a completed process. But, we are continually working to grow closer to God and each other.

Sometimes when wives read my posts and my guest posts, they comment or ask how my husband instantly came to God or how my marriage was restored “over night”. This is really far from the truth and I want all of you to know that God has worked slowly to bring my marriage where it is today. I am starting to see how this is part of God’s plan too. It would be impossible to immediately fix all the things that were hurt and broken in both of us. Usually, God’s way is to gently draw us closer to him. I am going to continue sharing how we both got to the place we are today. But, for this post, I just want to focus on a few important points.

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Cleansing Your Mind: For Husbands

Cleansing Your Mind

This is a post written by my husband for your husband. You can read a prayer written by him here. You can also check out the Ask My Husband page. Additionally, there is a new post for the Restoring Marriages Bible Study so that you can find all the days on one post.

Cleansing Your Mind: For Husbands

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.(NKJV)

Image after image after image followed by more images. Why won’t they go away? I just want to follow you God. I promise this is the last time I act on these images.

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Follow Hopeful Wife Today on Twitter

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I want to let you know that I am starting to tweet short prayers each day on Twitter. If you haven’t done so yet, please start following Hopeful Wife Today on Twitter. Together we can continue praying for our husbands and our marriages that God will continue His restoring power. This is our hope and our faith that God can bring light out of darkness.

I am praying for you daily as you seek to follow God in your marriage!

Rebuilding Trust after My Husband Had an Addiction to Pornography

How do you rebuild your trust in your husband after discovering a porn problem? How do you open yourself up again to sexual and emotional intimacy?

After ten years of marriage, I discovered that my husband had a secret addiction to pornography. I was completely clueless about this addiction. After knowing that I wanted to stay married to him, I knew we had a lot of work to do in our marriage. Before this discovery I realized that we were living in a fake relationship. In other words, we were two broken people that kept our true selves hidden. We thought we were in love and that we had a wonderful marriage. However, underneath this, we were both suffering.

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Rebuilding Sexual Intimacy after Porn Usage

Restoring Sexual Intimicay

Along with rebuilding trust, one of the most difficult things to restore after your husband uses porn or acts unfaithfully is sexual intimacy. Most wives loose all desire to be with their husband after discovering he looks at porn. She feels betrayed, hurt, angry, and used. Most husbands have huge side effects from using so much porn. It seems daunting to think about returning to making love again after this type of crisis. After I found out my husband was addicted to pornography, I did so much research through Christ-centered websites. I read so many things on this topic. Many things were helpful and some things did not help quite so much for me. So, in this post, I just want to talk from my own experience. What I know is that three and a half years ago our marriage had basically nothing. It was empty and dead in every area and that includes sex. Now, God has brought us to a place where we have sexual intimacy like we never thought possible. I want to share with you how we got from one point to the other.

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