There have been many difficult things for me since I discovered my husband’s pornography use. One of those things is taking care of myself.
I have been greatly encouraged by the blog CalmHealthySexy.com by Gaye Groover Christmus. She shares so many healthy ideas. Today she is going to share some of those ideas with our community.
I’m honored that Robi asked me to share some ideas with you, and I thank you for welcoming me into this place of prayer, respite and community. I know that many of you are dealing with very difficult circumstances in your marriages, and I am praying for you as I write this.
Women often find it difficult to take care of themselves. More than likely, you find yourself in that position too. Maybe all of your time and energy are consumed by caring for others, leaving little time or energy for you. Maybe you’re facing situations that just seem overwhelming, and self-care seems like an impossible luxury. Maybe you don’t even realize that your body, mind and spirit need some tender loving care. Or maybe you just don’t believe that you deserve it.
If that’s the case, the thing I want to say to you today is this: You are a beautiful and valuable daughter of the King. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You need and deserve to care for your body, mind and spirit. You are worth it.
I know it’s hard to care for yourself when you’re caring for your children, managing your home, homeschooling, working, and juggling other responsibilities. And when you add tremendous marriage stress to the mix, it may seem impossible.
I would like to share with you a group I have started on Facebook. This group is for wives who are hurting from their husbands pornography use or unfaithfulness. It is a “secret” group on Facebook. This means that no one can see the posts or the names of the people in the group except group members.
We’ve been discussing thoughts several times recently. We looked at a question from a wife who had troubling thoughts. Then, I talked about what we think about in an Update on My Marriage and the recent Restoring Marriages Bible Study. Many readers also commented on how they struggle with these thoughts as well. Someone even brought up how current events can make us remember the bad things that have happened. Then we get stuck and dwell on them. This is one issue that seems to be so difficult for every wife who finds out about her husband’s secrets. That is why I thought I would continue with this topic.
This is a post written by my husband for your husband. You can read a prayer written by him here. You can also check out the Ask My Husband page. Additionally, there is a new post for the Restoring Marriages Bible Study so that you can find all the days on one post.
Cleansing Your Mind: For Husbands
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.(NKJV)
Image after image after image followed by more images. Why won’t they go away? I just want to follow you God. I promise this is the last time I act on these images.
I had a really nice childhood. I have to say that I truly love my dad. My dad never introduced lust into our home. I never really knew how much of a struggle lust is for men. My father treated me with respect my whole life and he still does. He’s been faithful to my mom his whole life. He never had pornography of any kind in our house. We didn’t have the internet or any adult channels on TV. I always assumed that men had complete control over this sin. I thought they easily chose whether to partake in it or not. Additionally, I never thought it was something that nice, Godly men would consume in secret. I guess I was pretty naive.
This is a verse and a prayer for peace for a wife who is suffering from her husband’s pornography use.
John 14:27 says
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (NKJV)
I come to You for peace. I know Your promise says that You will give me Your peace. You will not give to me as the world does. I am believing in You for that dear God. The world has left me alone and doubting Your presence. I do not have any peace at all. My heart is unsettled. My emotions are overbearing. Peace right now seems impossible.
This is a post and prayer written by my husband:
As our weekend starts and we venture through the world going to work (if maybe we have a second job or work on the weekends), getting a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop, picking up supplies for a weekend project from the local hardware or auto-parts store, etc., Satan will try and get us. He wants us to look longer at what we shouldn’t be looking at, give a second glance to someone we shouldn’t, and take a step away from God. He wants us to build upon what we shouldn’t be thinking about in our mind and use those thoughts throughout the day. He wants us to talk too much, joke too much, and say things to other women other than our wife that our wife and our God would consider flirtatious.
My husband has been overcoming a lust and pornography addiction in the past three and a half years. He had this addiction for most of his life. There are times and situations that he is greatly tempted. Currently, he faces one of the worst situations at his second job. There are just so many temptations there. I would like to explain them all and also discuss how we work together to help this unavoidable circumstance.
I want to let you know that I am starting to tweet short prayers each day on Twitter. If you haven’t done so yet, please start following Hopeful Wife Today on Twitter. Together we can continue praying for our husbands and our marriages that God will continue His restoring power. This is our hope and our faith that God can bring light out of darkness.
I am praying for you daily as you seek to follow God in your marriage!
There were many years that I had a tough time with Father’s Day. I was confused and wondered, “How do I celebrate my husband as a father when he has participated in such an awful sin that is certainly not honorable?” To be honest, I really didn’t want to celebrate the holiday for him at all. If it were up to me, I would just ignore it completely. But then that wouldn’t be fair to my children. That wouldn’t be fair to my husband either because I was willingly working to restore our marriage. So how could I approach this day in a way that was genuine? I didn’t want to spend the day “faking” happiness. Maybe you have felt this way or you even feel this way right now. You might be tempted to use Father’s Day as a day to show your husband everything he is not. You might want to take all your hurt out on him and explain all the ways he’s lacking as a father and husband. You might want to make him feel some of the pain and disgust that you feel inside. The problem with all of that is it’s not God’s way.