Often, it is hard to see and understand God’s plan in our circumstances. Many times I have had difficulty figuring out what God wanted from me. You can read more about my story here.
I hear from many wives wondering why their marriage has gone like this. They wonder why has God allowed this to happen in my life. They say, “why does my husband have to have this problem with pornography and lust?” I have wondered those same things many times.
When we come upon an awful experience in our lives, we have two choices. The first choice is to be miserable and follow our own will. In this choice, we would follow our emotions and desires. We will eventually make choices that are completely opposite of God’s word.
The second choice is to trust in God. This might be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. We don’t want to trust in God when everything in our life is screaming at us to go our own way. It is hard to trust in God sometimes! It takes a lot of commitment. It might even mean failing and trying again.
You might even wonder:
“Why should I trust in God?”
I thought this many times. Especially when I first found out about my husband’s pornography use and unfaithfulness. I’ve been through times of extreme anger. I’ve also cried a lot through times of sorrow.
But, I knew I could only trust in God. God is the only One who truly knows me. He is the only One who loves me, cares about me, and has a perfect plan for my life. It is true that someone can come along and add something awful to that plan. It might even seem like the plan somehow got messed up. But, it didn’t. It never can.
This is because everything that happens in our life, God allows. This can be so hard to believe and accept! Everything in your life God has allowed. Your husband’s pornography use or unfaithfulness has been approved by God. God knew it would happen. And He approved it.
I cannot answer specifically why God had this happen in your marriage. Only you can seek God for that answer. And we may never fully know until we get to heaven. Many times, God will use you to bring your husband closer to Him. Think about that for a moment. If we put aside our tremendous hurt and pain. If we let go of our right to be cruel and unforgiving. We can think of what an amazing opportunity God has given to us. To be called by God to help our husbands turn away from sin and draw closer to him.
This is in no way an excuse for sin. God will never approve of sin. And God does not want you to accept sin from your husband. It is essential to have boundaries in your marriage. I share more about that on the page Breaking the Addiction.
But, it can be a plan, from God, to bring you and your husband closer to Him. It can also bring you and your husband to a greater intimacy.
Of course there are really hard days. And we are allowed to cry out to God over the things that are lost. He hears us and cares for us. But, in the end, listen to His words:
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NKJV)
I am praying for all of you. I pray that you would seek God and trust in Him today. If you would like to join the confidential Facebook group for wives who are going through this please message me on my Facebook page for Hopeful Wife Today.
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