Obviously the hurt that comes to a wife after she finds out about her husband’s problem with pornography and lust affects the whole family. The family is now going through an unexpected crisis. And this impacts everyone in the family.
A reader asked if I would comment on the impact that this has on our children. She left this suggestion on the page Feedback from Readers. This is a great way to ask questions or to suggest ideas for future posts.
To comment on this topic, I have to say that I am only giving my opinion based on my experience in my marriage. I have read some articles on the Covenant Eyes blog that discuss this in greater detail. I recommend that you also look there for information. Also, if anyone has found a book or resource that is helpful, please share it in the comment section below.
Of course, there are many negative impacts on the whole family due to the husband’s pornography use. One main impact is that the children probably overhear arguing. They also sense the extreme tension and unhappiness. This is one of the natural consequences of the husband’s secret being found out.
However, the positive impact is that you can use this situation to talk honestly to your children. I would not give them details or share the nature of why the marriage is struggling with children, but you can talk to them about your feelings. You might say that you are really sad right now. You can explain that in this life, we are not free from trials. Everyone will have things happen to them that make them happy and sometimes sad. This is part of life.
I believe that this is how we can talk to our children about God. I have used the trials in my life to explain to my children that I am trusting in God. You can even use this time to show your children specific Bible verses that give you hope in God. If you would like a starting point on finding verses, here is a website that is a great tool.
I believe that the most negative impact is that the marriage is struggling. The children will be hurt and confused by this. But, it is up to you with how you handle this. If you are seeking God and God’s guidance, your children will learn invaluable ways to go through their own life’s struggles.
I know that God knew this would happen in my marriage long before I had children. Therefore, I have to choose to trust Him. I have to let Him guide me each day in my decisions.
There is a very big positive impact on our children from this. It is in our own awareness. I was not so vividly aware of the evil temptations all around us before I found out about my husband’s problem. This has changed me in so many ways. In some ways it changed me for the worse. But, in some ways it changed me for the better.
Because of this, I already know that I will talk with my children openly and honestly when they become teens and adults. My husband and I know the things we will share with them before they get married. It is so important in this world to talk to your children. They are learning so much from very negative places. That is why we must choose to be a voice in their lives.
Furthermore, I have safeguarded my home against temptations that I did not even know were there. This will greatly help my children when they get older. One example is having Covenant Eyes on the computers and devices. Another example is having computers out in the open. Still another example is turning off commercials. There are really too many to name.
I would like to say that it is obvious that the family would have benefited if pornography was never there. However, we have to trust God that He knew this would happen. Then, we have to ask how we can see the ways that God can bless us as a family despite this.
Would you like to suggest more impacts on our children? Please add your thoughts or resources.
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