If you would like to read my story from the beginning and the reason why I am writing about this please see the Sharing My Story Page.
Sharing My Story: God’s Faithfulness in My Pain
After my husband told me the painful confession about his co-worker, I think I was in shock. I remember feeling thankful to God that he finally admitted some truth to me. However, I didn’t feel any pain for a few days. I think I was really just so shocked that my loving husband would actually pursue another woman. He really lived a true double life. I would like all of you to know that if this has happened in your marriage, I understand. I know that you never thought this would happen to you. I had honestly believed that we were in love and that my husband would never even look at another woman. Words cannot explain the shock that I was experiencing since the beginning of this journey.
After I felt this shock, I began to feel so very alone. My husband was the one that I went to with everything. He was my love and my best friend. And he had hurt me so deeply. Yes, he was very ashamed. He was very repentant. He felt very guilty. But, none of that changed how alone I felt. I didn’t know anyone I could talk to that would understand. I also looked for a website where women could connect with each other if they were experiencing this. That is why I know God is blessing this site. Almost every woman I have met through this site has told me how alone she feels in this. This is because the hurt is from the sin of our husbands. And that makes the pain more unbearable. Additionally, most women are too embarrassed to talk about this. It is a deep rejection.
So, I went to sleep feeling alone in my life. I prayed to God and I cried out to God. I told God that He was the only One that knew just how I was feeling. I told God that He was the only One who really, truly loved me. I don’t think I had ever needed God as much as I did that night. And God was there for me.
God comforted my heart in this way:
He let me understand the magnitude of His love for us. I had always relied on my husband for everything. I put him so close to God in my life. I was always afraid to confront him with anything or to upset him. My whole identity depended on my husband. Now, my husband had failed me. And he had failed me in such a deep way.
For the first time, I saw how perfect God is. I saw how true it is that God will never fail us. He is the only One who will never fail us. God is the only One who can love us fully, who can never hurt us. God can never stop loving us. God will never sin against us. And God is always here for us.
That night, I cried out to God because I knew God was there for me. Even if no one else was there, God heard my cry and saw my pain. He was there to comfort me. So, that night, I thanked God for all the He is. All that God is that we take for granted. I thanked God that He had never left me. In my husband’s unfaithfulness, God was still faithful. God watched over me, even while He saw my husband sinning. God knew that this day would come. He was preparing my heart for it. And, even now, God is working in my life and showing me how He can use this part of my life for His blessings.
When you are alone and in your deepest pain, do you feel God? Do you know that God is with you? He is holding you. He is comforting you. He might be the only One there with you, but He is there. If you are hurting, I pray that you will feel God like I did that night. Just cry out to Him about all that is in your heart. He is there, listening to you. He is faithful forever to you.
Have you felt like this before? Have you experienced God’s comfort during the hard times? Is there something we can pray for you about? Please share your thoughts.
Your first month is free at Covenant Eyes when you click here or on the ebook below.