Sharing My Story: The Sad Truth

SharingMyStory

Sharing My Story: The Sad Truth

This is a part of our story that still hurts today. If I think about it I can still feel the deep pain from that day. However, I feel it’s important to share it. I’d like you all to know exactly how our story unraveled. God has brought redemption and restoration to our marriage. But, that doesn’t mean that we haven’t been through a lot of hurt. I think sometimes people assume that when we follow God, we shouldn’t feel hurt. That is not true at all. Most of you know that in marriage there is a lot of hurt. The saddest part to me is that my love story really was never true. I wasn’t my husband’s only one. And this truth can crush you with pain. It’s something that we experience as wives when our husbands choose this path. That is why we have to turn to something higher. That is why we have to trust in God and accept God’s love for us. He is the only one that can love us perfectly.

I just created a new page called Sharing My Story. It contains the links to each part of my story in order. I hope that makes it more convenient if you are just started reading or if you would like to read anything again.

My story left off here if you missed the last part. 

The next day when I woke up I read an article on the internet about how important it is for a spouse to truly confess all unfaithfulness. It talked about how important it is in order to reach true healing. Otherwise your marriage might just keep going in circles, but never really restoring.

I showed the article to my husband and explained to him that I knew he had not confessed everything to me.

He looked at me for a long time and then he explained some of the rest.

He told me that he had met a woman at work years ago. He started a flirting relationship with her. This relationship progressed to daily chatting on the computer throughout his whole work day. Sometimes he even chatted with her from home. Their conversations were completely inappropriate. The things they discussed are something that no husband should ever talk about with another woman. During this time my husband started pressing her to meet him places. She agreed to meet him one time for coffee and talking. She wouldn’t agree to anymore. She also agreed to him calling her on the phone once. Their chatting continued for several years until the day I found out he looked at pornography. At that time I told him I would be checking all of his work accounts. Since he talked to her through his work e-mail, he ceased talking to her at that point.

This is an example that clearly shows how important it is to never have private e-mail accounts. I never checked up on my husband with anything. But, now I do log into his e-mail accounts occasionally.

The fact that my husband had an obsession over this woman haunts me to this day. At the same time I had no clue. I lived each day thinking he loved me fully and was faithful to me. In fact, I often commended him for his honesty and faithfulness. It is something that I continually go to God with. If I dwell on it, it would surely stop me in my tracks. However, I am choosing each day to give it to God. I want to live my life with enjoyment. I want to trust God that He can bring a blessing from this if I follow Him. In the Bible, it says that He will. I am choosing to actively believe that.

Next time I share my story, I will tell about the other things my husband confessed. If you have been through this pain, I pray you will give it to God and trust in Him.

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6 thoughts on “Sharing My Story: The Sad Truth

  1. Dear Robi, thank you for sharing again, I just finished reading through your story again, it is so encouraging, and so real, your share the truth the good, the bad and the ugly and also of course our hope in the Lord. I pray God will help me to follow His guidance and take the steps He wants me to in my marriage also, so that my husband will be more open with me and so that I will be able to trust , heal and understand but not be a doormat keeping all my feelings inside. You know a lot of my story, actually the last couple weeks we addressed some tough stuff in counseling —and out– its been uncomfortable to say the least but I do feel a smidgeon of the anxiety easing, please pray for me for this Friday as we have another session and I hope that somehow, I can share in a way that God will help my husband not to feel defensive, also that my forgiveness will grow and of course the ever perplexing concept of beauty as a woman you touched on this week, it is so hard to accept that I have Not been the one he’s desired with his eyes these many years but anyone but me…. how can I forgive or accept that? By the grace of God, and perhaps now, with my husband experiencing Gods grace in a new way, I will actually become the apple of his eye and you Robi and all the wives here may find beauty in your husbands eyes but of course the true healing is focusing on Jesus and His passionate love for us his bride. God bless you.

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  2. I too want to thank you for sharing your story! Sometimes it is hard for me to read stories like yours. Don’t get me wrong, it is an amazing story! But I am a wife of 20 years (almost 21) and we are STILL dealing with this issue. I didn’t know about the porn the first 7 months of our marriage, until he cheated on me. We were just becoming Christians and I had the hope that the Lord would restore our marriage. The next 2 years were wonderful, though hard, as much healing was taking place. Except that he fell back into the porn, and it has been a big issue ever since. Though there have been months here and there he has gone without it. Eighteen months ago, 2 weeks after our 8th child was born, he lost his job because he used his work computer to view porn. We had more counseling, and again, I found out that he was looking at more stuff. Nothing seems to bring him to his end, and a need for God (though he is a professing Christian). Not our children having seen this. Not being separated for a short period (6 weeks) in the past, nor losing his job with 9 other people depending on him.

    I read of your love for your husband during this time, and it is amazing. There is no love at this point in time for my husband. Nothing but hurt. He started Celebrate Recovery a month ago. I have gone twice, as I know there is much healing that needs to take place for myself. The hardest part was what I call the “game playing”. Saying certain things, doing certain things, trying to put the blame elsewhere, etc. And I finally had to say, “No more.” No more games. It is clear at this point in time that he has only made changes in the past to try to get back into my good graces, enough to get his foot in the door so that he can get what he wants.

    There was a time I was walking on this road with him, but it clearly was a one sided walk. For now he is out of the house. I can not have him here, playing his games, and lying. The emotional toll that it has taken on me is huge. It has only been a week without him here, and it is sad to say that I feel a ton of relief, a huge weight off of my shoulders as I do not have to face another day of the stress with living with him. I do pray that one day we can have a loving relationship, strong in the Lord. But for now, there is no way I can heal with him here, his actions showing that he has not changed (though he insists that he has…you would think I would see that after 20 years if it were so).

    Anyways, I just wanted to say that it is a wonderful testimony to be able to walk together on the road to recovery. Although I can no longer walk with my husband on his at this point in time, I pray that we will have victory in the end.

    Blessings,
    Kerri

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  3. Hi Kayla,
    Thank you for your comments and encouragement. I am praying for you for Friday. Let us know how it goes. And I’m proud of you and all the work you’ve been doing through God for your marriage! God bless you.

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  4. Kerri thank you for sharing, I will pray for you and your husband right now, that he will come to the end of himself and see the Lord in a fresh light and that God will give you and your children peace.

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  5. Thank you Kayla! I pray that your session on Friday was positive, and your prayers answered. I am sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is. May the Lord be your strength.

    Kerri

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  6. Dear Kerri,
    I understand so much of what you’re saying. I’m praying for you and I’m sorry for what you’ve been through with this terrible sin. Have you talked to your husband? Have you seen any change in him since you’re not living together? Let us know how you’re doing.

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