Sharing My Story: The Sad Truth
This is a part of our story that still hurts today. If I think about it I can still feel the deep pain from that day. However, I feel it’s important to share it. I’d like you all to know exactly how our story unraveled. God has brought redemption and restoration to our marriage. But, that doesn’t mean that we haven’t been through a lot of hurt. I think sometimes people assume that when we follow God, we shouldn’t feel hurt. That is not true at all. Most of you know that in marriage there is a lot of hurt. The saddest part to me is that my love story really was never true. I wasn’t my husband’s only one. And this truth can crush you with pain. It’s something that we experience as wives when our husbands choose this path. That is why we have to turn to something higher. That is why we have to trust in God and accept God’s love for us. He is the only one that can love us perfectly.
I just created a new page called Sharing My Story. It contains the links to each part of my story in order. I hope that makes it more convenient if you are just started reading or if you would like to read anything again.
The next day when I woke up I read an article on the internet about how important it is for a spouse to truly confess all unfaithfulness. It talked about how important it is in order to reach true healing. Otherwise your marriage might just keep going in circles, but never really restoring.
I showed the article to my husband and explained to him that I knew he had not confessed everything to me.
He looked at me for a long time and then he explained some of the rest.
He told me that he had met a woman at work years ago. He started a flirting relationship with her. This relationship progressed to daily chatting on the computer throughout his whole work day. Sometimes he even chatted with her from home. Their conversations were completely inappropriate. The things they discussed are something that no husband should ever talk about with another woman. During this time my husband started pressing her to meet him places. She agreed to meet him one time for coffee and talking. She wouldn’t agree to anymore. She also agreed to him calling her on the phone once. Their chatting continued for several years until the day I found out he looked at pornography. At that time I told him I would be checking all of his work accounts. Since he talked to her through his work e-mail, he ceased talking to her at that point.
This is an example that clearly shows how important it is to never have private e-mail accounts. I never checked up on my husband with anything. But, now I do log into his e-mail accounts occasionally.
The fact that my husband had an obsession over this woman haunts me to this day. At the same time I had no clue. I lived each day thinking he loved me fully and was faithful to me. In fact, I often commended him for his honesty and faithfulness. It is something that I continually go to God with. If I dwell on it, it would surely stop me in my tracks. However, I am choosing each day to give it to God. I want to live my life with enjoyment. I want to trust God that He can bring a blessing from this if I follow Him. In the Bible, it says that He will. I am choosing to actively believe that.
Next time I share my story, I will tell about the other things my husband confessed. If you have been through this pain, I pray you will give it to God and trust in Him.