One reason I started Hopeful Wife Today was to share my story. I believe that when we share our stories to other hurting wives two things happen. One, we are releasing the hurt that is inside of us. Two, we are helping others to not feel so alone. I believe God wants us to open up our hearts in order to unite with others who are going through similar things. If you would like to read other stories from women who have bravely opened up their hearts check out the page Personal Stories. If you feel God leading you to share your story, please do so on that page.
If you have missed parts of my story and would like to start at the beginning, please see Discovery. This is an ongoing topic where I will be sharing important parts of my marriage starting three and a half years ago. That was when I first found out my husband was addicted to pornography. I’ll be sharing our story until I get to where we currently are. After that, I’ll be writing updates on how our marriage is presently.
Thank you to all who are following. I pray that you may find some hope in my story.
Sharing My Story: I Didn’t Believe My Husband
A thought entered my mind that I could not get rid of. He’s not telling me everything. I never questioned before that he wasn’t telling me the truth. But, now, it just wouldn’t go away! No matter how I tried to get away from it, I could only hear one loud message. My husband was hiding things from me.
I starting crying out to God. “God, why am I having this persistent doubt?” I wanted to believe what my husband said was true, but all I could feel was that he was still withholding important things from me. It seemed like so much was missing. I remember clearly thinking that my husband’s porn addiction was like pieces of a puzzle. And there were many, many pieces left.
If your husband is addicted to pornography and he has confessed to watching porn and nothing else, please don’t start to doubt him. I am only sharing this because I believe there are many wives who either know for a fact or have an extremely strong urging that their husbands are not telling the whole truth. However, there are many men who do in fact stop at watching porn. They never do take it further than lusting over women.
I believe that my urging was directly from God. This is because I was drawing close to God everyday and actively seeking His plan. This is why it is so important that we stay close to God and follow His will for us. It is very easy to stray from God when we are so emotionally upset. But, we might miss something very important that God is showing us.
I kept praying to God that He would please give me peace in my heart that my husband was no longer lying to me. However, the feeling that there was much more never left.
I started talking to my husband about this. I asked him multiple times if there was anything else at all that he hadn’t shared with me. I also asked him various questions about his porn use and lustful life. I always received the same answer. That there was nothing else to tell. My husband had a solid story and was very impatiently waiting for me to move on.
Even though I tried to move on, I could not. Each day I had the same nagging thought- what else is he not telling me?
Finally, one night as I was starting to fall asleep, I turned to my husband and said, “I want you to know that I know there are many things you have not told me. I know it for sure. And I trust that God will bring all to light.”
My husband later shared with me that he felt very nervous when I said that. He knew in his heart all the things he didn’t tell me. He feared that God truly would reveal them. And God did reveal them, starting on the very next day.