Letting Go of Anger

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I have had so many various emotions after discovering my husband was addicted to pornography three years ago.

  • I had times of sadness and depression that would last for days. I was often confused and hopeless.
  • Then there were times when I was thankful and happy that God led me to this discovery. I was joyful and blessed that my marriage was being restored.
  • I was excited, at times, that my husband was becoming a new man.

But, the emotion that I feared the most—because it had total control of me, was anger.

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2 thoughts on “Letting Go of Anger

  1. I saw your article this morning on Letting Go of Anger on the Covenant Eyes website. I think I have the same problem with regret and resentment. My husband has struggled with anger, a very controlling personality, and pornography/sexual sin all our marriage (going on 28 yrs now). I, on the other hand, have always been very introverted and co-dependent, always trying to keep the peace around the house and keep him happy (hoping he’d stop), and keep our secret a secret. We went to counseling off and on throughout the years, worked through the Breaking Free courses, and faithfully attended Celebrate Recovery for several years. But, he continued using pornography and going through the cycle of confessing or getting caught, “repenting”, staying “clean” for a few months, then getting caught or confessing again. He was asked to step down from his leadership responsibilities at church two years ago. According to him, he stopped. Physical and emotional “intimacy” took a dive. I began to feel like a “friend with benefits”, a maid, or a roommate. He doesn’t communicate with me about the subject. He says he always feels like he’s in trouble when we talk about it. I’m afraid to ask him about it because of what the answer might be. He has always found a way around filters, whether it’s at home or at work. I want to believe he is truly walking in victory, but there have been so many years of deception. I find myself growing further and further away from him. I don’t want to trust him again. I feel like I’m living each day just waiting for it to happen again. I feel like I’ve been a doormat for so many years. This is no way to live. I’ve tried talking to him about all this. He denies thinking of me as just a roommate, and says his sexual sin had nothing to do with me. I guess my trouble is that I thought once he really did stop the sexual sin, everything would be ok, but it’s not (if it has indeed really stopped). It’s like all those years of lying to myself by thinking I needed to please him enough so he would stop looking at porn and other women has caught up with me. I can see now what I thought was true intimacy in our marriage was really just a lie. My goal for each day is to stay in God’s Word faithfully, reading it, writing it, and hopefully memorizing it well, staying in Bible studies for women and attending our “recovery” program at church. When I start having resentful and unforgiving thoughts, I work to reject them and pray about them instead. It is very hard, though, when everything around me seems to remind me of it. I also stay in touch with my accountability partner on a daily basis. Thank you for your website. I am so glad I found it and look forward to reading more.


  2. LeAnn,
    I’m so deeply sorry to hear of the pain you’re going through. I know it can just seem unbearable at times. Much of what you talk about seems so familiar in my own marriage and in my heart. So I know there are no words that can help at times. I just want you to know that I am praying for you and that I am so thankful you found this site. I welcome you and invite you to share with all of us whenever you need to. We are a community of wives who understand the hurt and pain. I’m so happy that you are leaning on God for His support. There really is no other way. I pray that you will feel His comfort and guidance.


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