I had a really nice childhood. I have to say that I truly love my dad. My dad never introduced lust into our home. I never really knew how much of a struggle lust is for men. My father treated me with respect my whole life and he still does. He’s been faithful to my mom his whole life. He never had pornography of any kind in our house. We didn’t have the internet or any adult channels on TV. I always assumed that men had complete control over this sin. I thought they easily chose whether to partake in it or not. Additionally, I never thought it was something that nice, Godly men would consume in secret. I guess I was pretty naive.
My husband’s childhood couldn’t have been more different. Sadly, his father had multiple affairs. He was a very young boy the first time his mother found out. He remembers how traumatic it was for her. His father also flirted with women right in front of his son. He had pornography in various places in the house. My husband says it was all visible, but just up high. It was enough to get his curiosity. He was probably around 10 years old when he started looking at magazines in the house. Seeking out other women was a way of life in his home.
When we got married, I knew that his father had affairs. I also knew that there were adult movies and magazines in his childhood home. However, the part I didn’t know was that my husband was by then so addicted that he couldn’t break free. He was so deeply ashamed that he kept it hidden from everyone he ever knew. He told me how much his father disgusted him and that he would never be that kind of man. We both believed in God so I trusted everything he said. I had no clue that he was struggling.
It’s amazing to think now that my husband kept this so hidden that I did not see one sign for ten years of marriage! It’s also amazing to think that my husband became the man he swore he would never be like- his father. It’s all so sad that you might wonder why do I have hope. Why do I trust in God? Why do I believe God has a plan in this? Yes, God wanted me to have a perfect, pure marriage. Yes, I wanted to have a perfect, clean marriage. But, that was not to be. And, God approved that it was not to be. For some reason, God put my husband and me together- knowing what would happen. That I, someone with a wonderful and pure childhood, would marry someone with a impure, sad childhood.
There is a blessing. The blessing is that the chain is broken! God brought us together to expose this generational sin once and for all. It will not pass to the next generation! My children are young. They are growing up in a pure household. I took an active step to forbid impurity in our home. We even turn off commercials! We have taken radical steps, such as getting rid of some regular movies. Another blessing is that we will talk to our children. Our parents did not talk to us about any of this. But, maybe if they did, the secrets would have been exposed. When our children are older, my husband will talk to our sons and I will talk to our daughters. We will be able to teach them about this throughout their lives. This is such an essential need today.
God has made known and stopped this sin so that my husband could finally turn away from what disgusted him. He was set free so that he could be the father he really wanted to be. That’s the real man inside that God made in him. I have to trust God in looking past who my husband was when he was in sin to who he has become.