Even in that moment of brokenness and horror after discovering that my husband had been viewing pornography for our entire marriage I felt God’s comfort.
In that stunning moment, I cried out to my God. “How can this be God?” I asked. God knew how I hated pornography and anything involved in it. I was always so grateful that I didn’t have the type of husband who would ever do that! Yet God spoke to my heart comfort. The comfort was that God was still there. He was walking right beside me. Even now, in my nightmare, He was there. He also gave me clarity. Sitting there, I can still remember the clarity that came to me. I felt as if everything finally made sense. I said, “God, This was it. This was the missing piece that I knew was there somewhere in my marriage.” I always knew something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t working that was beyond what I could see. God brought it into focus that day. After the clarity settled in, the pain came. The pain so overwhelming that it would take years to unfold and navigate through. That was when I closed my eyes. I let the tears collect and I asked God, “Now what?”